


With a Little Catharsis from My Friends

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Bottom Surgery, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, M/M, Sleepovers, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Transitioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 10:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3565925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sadie travels out of town for her bottom surgery and Lars is feeling pretty mixed up about. Ronaldo steps in to try and help him out, which simultaneously makes everything better and worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With a Little Catharsis from My Friends

_What would you think if I sang out of tune_  
_Would you stand up and walk out on me?_  
_Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song_  
_And I'll try not to sing out of key_

Lars miserably lounges at one of the tiny tables outside of the Big Donut as Sadie instructs Steven on the ins and outs of the place, while Steven stands in rapt attention with his hand raised in salute, the sun just starting to rise behind them. Sadie briskly walks back and forth, really playing it up for the kid, and Lars groans, unhooking the store’s keys from his belt loop. “Can we just open up already?”

Sadie shoots him a withering glare before turning back to Steven. “You’ve done this before, cadet, but that was with me.” She smirks, hooking her thumb in Lars’ direction. “Do you think you can handle the job with that lazy butt over there?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Steven shouts.

Lars sits up. “Hey!”

Sadie ignores him, clapping her hand on Steven’s shoulder. “Alright. I trust you to do well. At ease.”

Steven beams and drops his salute, then runs to Lars. “Whoo! Let’s do this! Open this baby up!”

“For the love of Christ...” Lars drags himself to the front door of the establishment and unlocks it. Steven charges past him inside.

Sadie stops at the doorway, snickering. Steven runs into the break room, comes back with a broom, and starts obsessively sweeping the place. She glances at Lars, both of them paused in the doorway. “It’s only a few days, you know.”

Lars frowns, resolutely staring at Steven. “I know.”

Her voice lowers, tinged with concern. “You’ve been really weird about this whole thing. Is there something wrong?”

“No.” He fists his hands. “I’m happy for you.”

Sadie steps closer. “Are you...jealous?” When he doesn’t reply, she uncurls his hand with her own and squeezes his fingers. “Oh, Lars.”

He rips away, raking his hair with the same hand as he strides toward the register. “It’s fine. I’m just being a baby. It’s no big deal.”

Sadie jogs after him, dressed in sweats for her flight. “Lars, of course it’s a big deal!”

Steven is screwing around in the back again, and Lars distantly hears some boxes being knocked over followed by a hasty apology. “I don’t want to stress you out. Forget it.”

Sadie takes his arm and forces him to look at her. For someone so short, she has lots of strength; ever since the little mishap on the island, she’s been working out. “Lars, you’re stressing me out by not talking to me.”

He sighs loudly. “Well, I don’t know, how can I not be jealous? I mean—you know, you’re doing this,” he gestures randomly, “and I’m, like. Not.”

“That doesn’t matter to me,” Sadie insists, “you know that.”

Lars hates how she has his wrist, leaving him unable to hug himself and pretend like he can implode into nothingness. Instead, he shoves his other hand into his pocket and hunches his shoulders. “Maybe it matters to me.”

She blinks, stunned, but just as she collects herself enough to reply, someone barges in through the front door.

They turn and Sadie tightens her grip on him, but then it slacks and falls away completely at the befuddling sight of Ronaldo stumbling to the register. He pants, leans on his knees, and holds out a bouquet of ruffled flowers. “Fair lady! Before you embark on your journey, please accept this parting gift!”

Sadie smiles, blushing, and Lars smacks himself on the forehead. “Ronaldo, you idiot!”

Steven rushes in from the break room, a styrofoam coffee cup somehow stuck on his foot. “What is happening!!!”

Lars crosses his arms, resting his hip against the counter. “Ronaldo’s just being stupid.”

Sadie elbows him in the side before walking to Ronaldo and taking the flowers. “Thank you! This is really sweet.”

Ronaldo smiles like a goof, and Lars has to look away before his heart seizes in his chest or something. Steven is suddenly beside him, arms braced on the counter. “That’s so romantic!”

Ronaldo runs a hand over his weird yellow curls. “Well, Steven, there’s nothing like some good old-fashioned charm to woo your significant others.” He winks at Lars, who reddens.

Steven pouts. “Should I be taking notes?”

“My God, man!” Ronaldo leads Steven to the middle of the store, lifting his hand into the air, which Steven follows with amazement. “There is a whole scientific branch of romance! Entire worlds to discover! The art of love is—wait, why are you wearing a uniform?”

“He’s filling in for me,” Sadie informs. She walks to the soda machine and fills a plastic large cup with water, then sets the flowers inside.

Ronaldo gasps. He turns to Lars with puppy dog eyes, who immediately scowls and says “No.”

“What! Come on, I can take a day off! Peedee’s been bending over backwards to kiss my dad’s ass—”

“BEEP!” Sadie shouts, glancing at Steven. “You didn’t hear that.”

“I meant gluteus maximus,” Ronaldo amends. “He’ll totally cover for me!”

Lars grits his teeth, determined to hold his ground. He backs away as Ronaldo starts walking toward him. Once he hits the donut display, however, there’s no escape, and Ronaldo takes both of Lars’ hands as he hops up and down. “Please? It’ll be like an adventure, like old times! But—with responsibility! And a paycheck!”

“And me!” Steven jubilantly adds.

“That just made it worse,” Lars snaps.

Ronaldo sniffs starts leave. “Fine. I guess you don’t want to spend time with me, then.” He dramatically opens the front door and yells, “If the lizard people kidnapped me I bet you wouldn’t even care!”

“Ugh! Fine,” Lars relents, “just get back in here!”

Sadie laughs as Steven and Ronaldo cheer and high five. “It really won’t be that bad,” she tells Lars.

“I know that,” he snorts. “I was just messing with him.”

She grins, picks up her flowers, and places them beside the cash register. “There. They look kind of nice, don’t you think?”

“They’re daisies!” Ronaldo says, walking over. “They’re tiny and cute, like you.”

“Ew,” Lars sneers. Steven has that awed look on his face again, which is probably going to lead to something awful.

Sadie leans up on her tip-toes and pecks Ronaldo’s cheek. “I gotta go.”

Lars straightens. “What? Already?”

“Well, yeah, doofus. My mom and I have to drive to the airport and everything.”

“Oh.”

Steven hugs Sadie’s waist, stuffing his face into her back. “I’ll miss you!”

She twists and pats his head. “Aw, I’ll miss you too, dude.”

Ronaldo wraps his arms around them both. “Our lovely princess is leaving on her fateful quest! A quest which all warriors must eventually take, unfortunately alone. May her expedition be fruitful and battles victorious. May—”

Lars pulls them both off of Sadie and orders, “Shut up already.” Then he sweeps her into a hug himself. “Call me,” he mumbles into her shoulder.

“Observe, Steven, this gallant demonstration of affection,” Ronaldo whispers aside.

“Wow,” Steven breathes.

Lars ignores them. “Text me when your plane lands. And—before you, like, do it. And when you wake up. And when you get home. Actually, I’ll just use the spare key and be there already. And—”

“Relax, Lars. Everything’s going to be okay.” She rubs his back. “Don’t think I forgot what we were talking about earlier, either.”

“Ugh. Okay.”

She smiles into his neck, then steps away. “Wait,” Ronaldo calls. He moves forward and tucks a daisy behind her ear. “There. So if you’re scared, you remember us.”

She grins. “Thank you.”

“Remember to call me,” Lars reminds as she walks away. “Don’t forget!”

“I won’t,” she says over her shoulder.

“Promise!”

“I promise,” she drawls. “Goodbye, Lars.”

She shuts the door. Lars follows her through the window until he can’t see her anymore. Then he sags against Ronaldo’s side and groans into his shoulder.

Steven flips the closed sign to open on the door. “Ready for business! Without Sadie!”

Lars swallows. Ronaldo laughs, the sound vibrating his chest. He shakes Lars’ shoulder. “Come on, Donut Man! You’re in charge.”

The day is pretty uneventful. Steven and Ronaldo are so overzealous Lars mostly sits around and nabs a slushie or two. He finds himself laughing at their antics, and his anxiety slowly fades away. It’s a pretty slow day. Steven’s little friend, that Connie girl, comes in around noon and hangs out for a bit, quietly reading a book by the window when Steven enthusiastically tends to other customers. The boardwalk is relatively empty, too, and Lars is able to look out at the ocean and watch clouds. It’s nice. Ronaldo, of course, has to ruin it eventually.

“Let’s close,” he suggests, standing in front of Lars with his hands on his hips.

“What?” Lars asks. “It’s only, like, four.”

Ronaldo waves him off. “Nobody’s been here in an hour. And no one gets donuts for dinner, anyways! I wanna go do something. You’re so bored when you’re all mopy.”

Steven pauses in wiping down the Cookie Cat refrigerator for the thirtieth time. “What! We have to close?”

“All work no play makes us susceptible to the lizard people,” Ronaldo warns.

Steven’s eyes widen; he hops off his stool. “That’s so true!”

“Off with you,” Ronaldo shouts, pointing at the door. “Hurry, before they come!”

“Will you guys be okay cleaning up?”

“Of course, young paladin! Now leave!”

Steven nods and throws his rag onto the counter, before charging out onto the boardwalk. “I must play!”

His voice fades away. “What a good kid,” Ronaldo sighs. “You know, I play it up for him sometimes, but the lizard people are in fact a serious threat.”

“Oh, are they?” Lars deadpans.

“One day, you’ll see,” Ronaldo insists.

He shuts everything down with surprising efficiency, and in only a few minutes Lars is outside, locking the door. The sun is setting across the ocean. Sadie is still in their timezone, and Lars knows it’s stupid, but it comforts him knowing that she’s watching the same sunset from her hotel room.

“What are you thinking about?” Ronaldo asks as Lars clips the keys back onto his belt loop.

Lars blinks, then scowls. “I’m—I’m not thinking about anything.”

Ronaldo shrugs beside him, apparently sticking around as Lars walks home. “You get all quiet.”

“So? It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Sometimes you forget I’ve known you since we were kids. I can tell when something’s bothering you.” He slouches forward and sticks his hands in his pockets. “You look like this.”

“That’s cheating,” Lars mutters. “You’re, like, exploiting my emotional vulnerability.”

“You exploited my emotional vulnerability my entire childhood.”

“Jesus. When are you gonna drop the whole abandonment card?”

Ronaldo smirks. “Never.” He nudges Lars’ arm. “Seriously, though. Is it about Sadie?”

Lars glances over his shoulder at the slowly disappearing boardwalk as they entire the residential neighborhoods, the glittering sea a little blue crayon line beneath the orange sky. “I don’t know. Kind of.”

“Talk to me.” Ronaldo’s voice is soft.

Lars ducks his head when Ronaldo squeezes his hand. So much is still in the air between them, and he knows it’s all his fault. “When we’re back home,” he promises.

The rest of the walk is spent in silence, save for a few passing cars and the jingle of Lars’ keys. They arrive at Lars’ house in no time, and he realizes it’s been awhile since Ronaldo has been here. Ronaldo’s loud steps make the porch creak just like it used to when they were younger, and it’s as if he never left in the first place.

Lars’ mom walks out from the living room when he opens the door, eyebrows furrowed. “Llegas temprano...” Her eyes widen when she sees Ronaldo, and she glances at her son before smiling awkwardly, voice heavy with her accent. “Ronaldo! It’s great to see you!”

Ronaldo sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. “Heh. Thanks.”

“Are you boys hungry? Oh!” She hurries into the kitchen then returns with a box. “Lars, this came! I, um, didn’t open it!”

She shoves it into his hands. He blinks at it. “Thanks.”

“It’s your package,” she needlessly clarifies, and reddens when she realizes her choice of words. “I mean—delivery.”

“Mom,” Lars spits.

“Right! I’ll, uh, be in here!” She flees back into the living room, flushing and muttering Spanish under her breath, and Lars groans, already heading upstairs.

Ronaldo jogs after him, entering his room a few seconds later. Lars tosses the box on his bed and toes off his beat up sneakers, then plops down on the mattress.

Ronaldo smiles at his snake from her heated tank. She’s soft pink, lounging on a piece of driftwood Ronaldo himself found on the beach when they were kids. “Wow, I haven’t seen you in forever,” he greets, then turns to Lars. “She’s huge, man!”

Lars walks over, lips quirking. “Yeah, I know.” He lifts the net from the top of the tank and allows the reptile to slither up his arm. Ronaldo strokes her head with his forefinger from where she rests on Lars’ bicep.

“Hello, Peachy Pie,” he coos. “I still can’t believe you named her that.”

Lars reddens, wishing Peachy were big enough to strangle Ronaldo. “Shut up. I was eleven. It was my favorite My Little Pony.”

“I’m just kidding. I think it’s cute. Do you still have her?”

“Um, obviously?”

“No, the pony. Duh.”

Lars narrows his eyes. He sits down on his bed and lets Peachy wiggle around his torso. “No.”

“Liar.” Ronaldo splays out at Lars’ socked feet. “I know you have them all somewhere. I still have my comic book collection.”

“It’s not a collection,” Lars insists. “I’m not that lame. I’m just—preserving childhood memories.” Peachy lifts her head from his shoulder and curiously flicks her forked tongue.

Ronaldo rolls his eyes. “Sure, okay.” He sits up and examines the neglected delivery sitting at Lars’ knee. “Why was your mom all weird about this?”

“Give me that!” Lars surges forward, snatching it away. Peachy hides in the sleeve of his undershirt, irritated.

“I wasn’t really going to open it,” Ronaldo assures, brow furrowed.

Lars sets the box aside. “I know. Sorry. It’s just, like. Embarrassing.”

Ronaldo crawls up the bed and lays beside Lars, who’s chest suddenly seizes with nostalgia. “I special ordered the Lost Home Boys manga, Lars. I don’t think you can out-embarrass me.”

Lars groans, throwing his snake-less arm across his eyes. “It’s a packer,” he blurts.

“Um. A what?”

“A trans thing. Like. A fake, uh.”

“...Penis?”

“Jesus, yes!”

Ronaldo laughs. “That’s not weird.”

“Yes it is,” Lars replies. “It’s—it just is.”

“Why?”

“Because! It’s stupid. I’m—I’m stupid.”

“Hey.” Ronaldo softens, scooting closer so their legs overlap. “No you aren’t. I think it’s kinda cool.” He reaches across Lars and pats the box. “Let’s let that bad boy out.”

“Don’t you think it’s lame?” Lars demands. “That I have to do this?”

“Of course not. Do you?”

Lars looks away—

“Is this what you and Sadie were talking about?” Ronaldo asks.

—and whips right back around, eyes wide. “You heard that?”

“Yes. I notice everything, Lars. Supernatural or otherwise.”

Lars whines, sliding down on the bed. Ronaldo presses down on one of his legs, restricting him. “Cut it out,” Lars grumbles.

“No,” Ronaldo says. “Talk to me. You promised.”

“Peachy,” Lars calls. He lifts his arm, and the pink snake peeks out. “Come on, girl.” He returns her to her tank, then hugs himself, his back turned to Ronaldo.

“Okay. I don’t know if you’ll get it because you aren’t, like. Me. But. It’s like. I feel like such shit.” He grips his shirt tighter. “Like I’m pretending to be something I’m not. It’s so stupid, too. How I have to do so much extra shit just to feel kind of better. Even though I know I never will. And Sadie’s—she’s having her fucking surgery, you know, but it’s ten times more complicated for guys—and I still have my boobs, for God’s sake, and—and she’s doing all this shit, and I’m still stuck here, like this, forever—” he falls silent and furiously stares at Peachy, who obliviously curls up in her cardboard hiding box. Ronaldo’s handwriting is scrawled along the side in colored pencils: Peachy Pie’s Palace.

Lars jumps and spins around when Ronaldo suddenly appears behind him, holding the box in his hands, all sage-like. “In the No Home Boys manga, volume three,” he begins, “the boys keep catching the wrong trains. They’re trying to get to California, where all the migrant workers are hired, but always end up somewhere else. The older boy wants to give up, disillusioned with their lifestyle. The younger boy, however, shows him the beautiful countryside, and talks about all the adventures they’ve had. A lot of this was screwed up with blatantly Japanese localities, but—by the end of the volume, they are reminded of why they started moving in the first place, and that constantly worrying about your destination takes attention away from the journey.”

“That’s the stupidest crap I’ve ever heard,” Lars whispers.

Ronaldo passes him the box and says, smiling, “Let’s go catch that train.”

Lars finds a pair of scissors in his desk and opens the box. Past all of the packing peanuts and plastic wrap is the packer, a piece of realistically shaped light brown silicone. Ronaldo whistles, standing behind Lars’ desk chair. “What a beaut.”

Lars takes the packer in his hand, testing the weight, and sifts around the packing peanuts before taking out a black strap. “I guess I should try it on.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Ronaldo asks.

Lars lifts his head. “No! I mean... Just don’t look.”

Ronaldo sits on the edge of the bed and covers his eyes. “Roger that, captain.”

Lars inhales, then stands and takes off his jeans. He gets a toe caught in the hole at the knee in his nervousness, and angrily kicks the pants away.

“You doing okay?” Ronaldo asks.

“Yes,” Lars snaps. He shucks off his boxers before he can think about it and quickly pulls the strap up to his hips.

“Just checking.”

Lars picks up the packer. “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with this.”

“Follow your heart. The heart of your penis.”

“Ronaldo, seriously!” Lars grits his teeth, then hesitantly laughs.

“Mission successful,” Ronaldo mumbles to himself.

“Shut up.”

Lars finally fumbles with the harness until the packer is snug, then lets his hands fall to his sides. He almost bends down to pull his boxers back up, but changes his mind. This really isn’t any different than the time Ronaldo did a cannonball and lost his trunks when they were kids. Or at least, that’s what Lars tells himself.

“You can look,” he hesitantly announces, heart hammering.

Ronaldo opens his eyes, bringing a chin to his hand.

“Stop being weird.”

“You wear it well, my friend,” Ronaldo finally tells him.

Lars grimaces. “God, don’t just call me your friend!” He pulls his boxers up and grabs a pair of sweats from the floor, refusing to look at Ronaldo, who frowns.

“What was I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know! Not that!” Lars falls back into his desk chair and plays with a packing peanut. “Christ, I was half naked.”

“I know! But if I’m not your friend, what am I?”

Lars throws up his hands. “I don’t know! My boyfriend, maybe?”

Ronaldo glances at the floor. “Aren’t you dating Sadie?”

Lars’ mouth falls open. “You gave her flowers earlier! You told Steven it was a world of love or something!”

Ronaldo glares. “Well, this whole thing is confusing! I don’t know what I’m supposed to do! We haven’t talked in years, Lars! And—you and Sadie have your own thing!”

“What, because we’re both trans?” Lars asks.

Ronaldo rings the hem of his shirt and doesn’t answer.

Lars scrubs his face. “So what? That doesn’t mean anything. That’s not why we became friends, and that’s not why I like her.”

“Why do you, then?” Ronaldo quietly asks.

Lars gestures wildly with his hands. “She punched a monster in the face! It was invisible! She got us food. When we were stuck on that stupid island, I realized how much I needed her, okay?” he admits.

“And who am I? Some geeky loser who can’t do anything?”

“You’re the explorer club, idiot!” Lars shouts. “You’re—” he points at Peachy’s tank. “You were there when I got Peachy Pie! You’re the only one who knows what she’s named after. You were the last good thing I had before it all went to shit.” He opens a drawer in his desk, locates a worn notebook, and tosses it on the bed.

Ronaldo picks it up, already recognizing it. “Is this what I think it is?”

“Yeah,” Lars mumbles. “I kept it.”

Ronaldo smiles, fingertips trailing across the documents of their old adventures and theories. “I almost forgot...” He laughs at a certain page. “Remember when we thought Jenny’s grandma was a witch?”

“She can get pretty intense, yeah.”

Ronaldo looks up. “Have you hung out with her lately? Jenny.”

Lars shrugs. “Nah. That’s okay though.” He stands and sits next to Ronaldo, pulling his legs up to his chest. “I got you, don’t I?”

“Uh, heck yeah you do! Explorer club back in action, bro.” Ronaldo leans over and swipes a pencil from Lars’ desk. He flips to a new page in the notebook and starts scribbling. “First new discoveries: Lars’ dick and the fact that he has a heart.”

Lars shoves him onto the floor.

Ronaldo spectacularly recovers and soon becomes adamant about doing all the stupid stuff they used to do during sleepovers, like making smores in the oven and setting up a fort made out of sheets and chairs in the living room. The tension from their argument fades away, and it feels like they’re twelve again.

Ronaldo forces Lars to watch episodes of X-Files, the complete collector’s edition boxset admittedly displayed in the TV stand. Huddled within a cave of soft cotton, Lars slumps against Ronaldo’s side, kind of drooling on his shoulder, half-asleep. Ronaldo commentates along with the show, his voice lulling Lars’ eyes closed. Lars throws a leg over Ronaldo’s, the bulge of his packer pressed up against Ronaldo’s thigh, and starts to snore.

He wakes in the morning alone, light streaming into the fort from the windows, and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he emerges from the sheets. He patters into the kitchen, where Ronaldo is whistling while making hashbrowns or something.

“Good morning, darling,” he sings, suddenly turning around. He leans down and kisses Lars on the mouth, who is too tired to get flustered, and simply sits at the island afterward.

“Your mom went to work,” Ronaldo informs.

“Uh huh.”

“Sadie called, too.”

Lars snaps to attention. “What? Why didn’t you wake me up?!”

“You looked cute!” Ronaldo defends, waving his spatula. Bits of potato fly everywhere. “And I wanted to talk to her.”

Lars narrows his eyes. “About what?”

Ronaldo elusively turns back to the stove. “Stuff. Don’t worry, I didn’t ruin the surprise.”

“Is she okay?” Lars asks.

“She’s fine. Just went into surgery. You worry too much. The real problem here is—”

“Lizard people?” Lars guesses.

“No. Big glow taking over America.”

“Mkay,” Lars replies. “I’ll keep my eyes out.”

Ronaldo flicks the stove off and sets a plate of eggs and hashbrowns in front of him. “Here you are, my liege! The Fryman original.”

Lars pokes the potato around with his fork. “They look like normal.”

Ronaldo sniffs. “One without a refined sense of cuisine will not be able to recognize the difference.”

“Whatever you say.”

Ronaldo sits next to him with his own plate. They eat in silence for a little bit, and Lars feels contentedly relaxed in a way he hasn’t felt in awhile. That is, until Ronaldo squeezes his thigh, knuckles brushing his packer, and he chokes on his food. Ronaldo screams a multitude of apologies while failing to preform the Heimlich.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i said i was gonna write something longer, and here it is! not sure how i feel about it. it didnt turn out how i thought it would, but i also dont dislike it? i dont know! i think i just want to write more of them being lame gay goofballs. 
> 
> after "horror club" there was a huge influx of lars/sadie/ronaldo content (or "fried donuts), and i got pretty into it! however, im unsure about the specifics of their dynamics. im thinking lars/sadie and ronaldo/lars with platonic ronaldo and sadie, who are chill friends and sympathize over dealing with their dumb emo boyfriend. 
> 
> it was nice writing this. ive felt dysphoric for awhile, and i spent the whole weekend looking up packers and stuff. did you know there are like $200 4-in-1 prosthetic packers? they look awesome, and are way cheaper than bottom surgery. check out http://www.freetomprosthetics.com/ if you're interested. 
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
